Regret.
Time lost.
Wasted energy.
Hurt feelings.
Wishing things turned out different.
Disappointment.
...these are but only a few of the emotions/thoughts I have when I think about past friendships that did not work out. I always believed that I am a person who does not take friendship lightly, who does not easily throw the word "I love you" around, one who could have been described as "sticks closer than a brother"...I let myself and my friends down.
The moment I put down the phone, in my spirit I knew what I was doing was not cool. That my heart would regret this later. All the justifications in my head screamed louder and louder "You tried! They do not care! Time to move on! Dont waste your time! They should have been happy for you! You deserve better!"...until that was all I heard.
Love in its truest form was silenced in my life. I let momentary madness deprive me of friendships I knew from the bottom of my heart were to last a lifetime. More importantly, I lost prayer partners and warriors.
I pray for peace about it...not that it is easier to bear...but that God grant me the courage to seek peace with the ones I once called friend. I pray that He softens their hearts wherever they are to mine. Sounds cowardly huh? I fear the hurt I caused by my "justified" actions was too much for them to ever want to reconcile.
To hell with fear...literally.
I want my friends back...
I want love to reign in my life. I want love to triumph over animosity, dissapointments and guilts.
I am going to get my friends back.
Tuesday, 30 July 2013
Saturday, 27 July 2013
Today was an incredible day!
My soul is on fire! A fire that refuses to be quenched. A fire that I cannot simply explain away to friends and family. This fire...I swear this fire is caused by the realisation within every strand of my being that I am finally discovering the destiny I was meant to walk into. Let me explain.
I watched in awe this year ,on the 18th of July, when South Africa went on a Nelson Mandela Day frenzy. I absolutely love the idea of the day. A day that brings forth to the minds of every South African, the plight of our people and our moral and social obligation to intervene. I watched in awe as South African people irrespective of race, gender, religion and sexual orientation picked themselves up...sought a worthy cause...and gave of themselves and their time to the cause. A nation that remembered its least, those abandoned, those who cannot fend for themselves. I absolutely loved it.
I quietly sat on the day...in an office park...somewhere in Johannesburg chasing a deadline. It suddenly hit me...what happens tomorrow and the next 364 days between 18 July 2013 and 18 July 2014?
I decided there and then that, for myself and whomever I can influence and whoever is willing to listen, the spirit of Nelson Mandela must not be confined to a single day. How awesome would it be and how incredible a change can we make if his spirit was how we lived life?
My soul began to burn...I contacted a few friends (God-sent angels) about my desire to do something. Within a few days, we were able to raise a significant amount of money to help alleviate some difficulties in the lives of people less fortunate. In the process, my soul exploded into fire. A fire that dances to the rhythm of destiny. A dance that I had never danced before...
I think this fire is a for-sure sign of what I feel in my heart is what I need to be doing in my life. I sit overwhelmed by the need I see surrounding me yet super excited at the prospect of being able to become a vessel for my God on earth to bring social justice and equality back to my people.
Sounds crazy.
But I have decided that I will remember the ideals that Nelson Mandela will one day be remembered for EVERYDAY. That the spirit of Mandela will be a constant reminder that the fight for justice and equality never ends...especially for people who cannot fight themselves.
I endeavour to make everyday a Mandela day.
If not for the sake of Nelson Mandela...for the sake of the love of Jesus Christ that we all claim lives in us...
"Father, if this be Your will for my life...I know that you have already made provision for me to carry out your work. Soften my heart and make it sensitive towards your people. Power me through when I get faint".
Blessed evening!
My soul is on fire! A fire that refuses to be quenched. A fire that I cannot simply explain away to friends and family. This fire...I swear this fire is caused by the realisation within every strand of my being that I am finally discovering the destiny I was meant to walk into. Let me explain.
I watched in awe this year ,on the 18th of July, when South Africa went on a Nelson Mandela Day frenzy. I absolutely love the idea of the day. A day that brings forth to the minds of every South African, the plight of our people and our moral and social obligation to intervene. I watched in awe as South African people irrespective of race, gender, religion and sexual orientation picked themselves up...sought a worthy cause...and gave of themselves and their time to the cause. A nation that remembered its least, those abandoned, those who cannot fend for themselves. I absolutely loved it.
I quietly sat on the day...in an office park...somewhere in Johannesburg chasing a deadline. It suddenly hit me...what happens tomorrow and the next 364 days between 18 July 2013 and 18 July 2014?
I decided there and then that, for myself and whomever I can influence and whoever is willing to listen, the spirit of Nelson Mandela must not be confined to a single day. How awesome would it be and how incredible a change can we make if his spirit was how we lived life?
My soul began to burn...I contacted a few friends (God-sent angels) about my desire to do something. Within a few days, we were able to raise a significant amount of money to help alleviate some difficulties in the lives of people less fortunate. In the process, my soul exploded into fire. A fire that dances to the rhythm of destiny. A dance that I had never danced before...
I think this fire is a for-sure sign of what I feel in my heart is what I need to be doing in my life. I sit overwhelmed by the need I see surrounding me yet super excited at the prospect of being able to become a vessel for my God on earth to bring social justice and equality back to my people.
Sounds crazy.
But I have decided that I will remember the ideals that Nelson Mandela will one day be remembered for EVERYDAY. That the spirit of Mandela will be a constant reminder that the fight for justice and equality never ends...especially for people who cannot fight themselves.
I endeavour to make everyday a Mandela day.
If not for the sake of Nelson Mandela...for the sake of the love of Jesus Christ that we all claim lives in us...
"Father, if this be Your will for my life...I know that you have already made provision for me to carry out your work. Soften my heart and make it sensitive towards your people. Power me through when I get faint".
Blessed evening!
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