Friendships

Regret.

Time lost.

Wasted energy.

Hurt feelings.

Wishing things turned out different.

Disappointment.

...these are but only a few of the emotions/thoughts I have when I think about past friendships that did not work out. I always believed that I am a person who does not take friendship lightly, who does not easily throw the word "I love you" around, one who could have been described as "sticks closer than a brother"...I let myself and my friends down.

The moment I put down the phone, in my spirit I knew what I was doing was  not cool. That my heart would regret this later. All the justifications in my head screamed louder and louder "You tried! They do not care! Time to move on! Dont waste your time! They should have been happy for you! You deserve better!"...until that was all I heard.

Love in its truest form was silenced in my life. I let momentary madness deprive me of friendships I knew from the bottom of my heart were to last a lifetime. More importantly, I lost prayer partners and warriors.

I pray for peace about it...not that it is easier to bear...but that God grant me the courage to seek peace with the ones I once called friend. I pray that He softens their hearts wherever they are to mine. Sounds cowardly huh? I fear the hurt I caused by my "justified" actions was too much for them to ever want to reconcile.

To hell with fear...literally.

I want my friends back...
I want love to reign in my life. I want love to triumph over animosity, dissapointments and guilts.
I am going to get my friends back.